I just threw up on my dentist
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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