I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
