are you so shy because you have an std?
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
