I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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