I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
You are the jesus of drinking
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
