just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Randomize
