Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
