Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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