so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
