I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
