If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
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No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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