It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
