I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
