everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
