It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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