matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Randomize
