Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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