ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Randomize