See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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