i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
