Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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