But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
