Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
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There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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