I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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