Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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