If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I have surprise drugs for everyone
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
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