some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
