i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
