i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
