i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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