So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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