I met the friendliest cop last night
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
my sisters under your porch take her home
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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