We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
