did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
