I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
