you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
