We named our party play list daddy issues
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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