Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Randomize
