So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
