If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
