So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
