On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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