like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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