FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
