You're earring is so big in my mouth
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
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