dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
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