did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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