i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
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Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
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See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
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