Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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