it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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