I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
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