yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
