I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
