I want to walk on stilts...naked
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
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Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
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As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
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