Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
