I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
