god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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